Negotiating isn't easy, no matter what your style. Negotiating to get what you want takes brains and backbone. Sometimes just asking for something takes nerve. After all, many of us were taught as children not to ask for anything; instead, we were to politely wait until that something was offered. That courtesy may have won you points with your second-grade teacher, but it'll work against you in the business world. As professionals in the financial services industry, we usually have to go after what we want. And to get what we want, we have to be shrewd negotiators, even when we try to maintain high ethical standards.
As a matter of fact, negotiating on a mature, adult-to-adult basis is even more demanding than trying to manipulate or trick the people you're negotiating with. First of all, being open and honest takes guts. It takes nerve to say, "I want to play fair. How about you?," or "This is what I want. How can we both get what we want?" You're challenging the other party to meet you on your level, and you're asking them to focus on more than just their individual needs. Some people don't want to negotiate that way.
Defense Tactic #1: Maintain your standards
Most people don't want to be enemies. They just don't want to get ripped off. If you can demonstrate to them that you're interested in a fair deal, they will usually drop the aggressive routine and start to work more productively with you.
Defense Tactic #2: Protect yourself by not fighting back directly
When you meet with people who don't want to play fair, you can protect yourself without resorting to trickery or manipulation. Roger Fisher and William Ury call this approach "negotiation jujitsu" in their book "Getting to Yes." Jujitsu is a form of martial arts that focuses on deflecting attacks rather than engaging the enemy. If someone is running toward you aggressively, you should not stand your ground and push back when they run into you. Rather, you should step to the side and let them run past.
Defense Tactic #3: Bail out
When all else fails, if you can't persuade the other party or parties to negotiate honestly and openly, and a mediator doesn't work, abandon the negotiations, at least for a while. Remember, you will be negotiating from a much stronger position if you are willing to walk away from the bargaining table.
Negotiating is a complex process, even under the best of circumstances. Everyone involved in a negotiation brings to the event different backgrounds, cultures, perceptions, values and standards. Breaking through these differences can seem impossible, yet it is a crucial step in creating a mutually beneficial agreement. Remember to maintain your standards throughout the negotiations and, if all else fails, you are always free to walk away.
John Patrick Dolan is a highly regarded convention presenter, member of the National Speakers Association Speakers Hall of Fame and author of the bestselling book "Negotiate Like the Pros." Contact him at 888-830-2620 or negotiatelikethepros.jpd@gte.net. For more information, visit www.negotiatelikethepros.com.
