Listening is more important than talking: It is a gift to hear what the other person “means” rather than what they “say.”
What motivates people must be understood: People talk from their frame of reference and people hear from their frame of reference. To facilitate change we may need to understand the other person’s point of view.
Everyone is capable of achieving more. The challenge is for us to accept what “more” means to the other person. I always know what I think you “should” do or what I believe you “can” do. But unless I’m open to accepting what you will do and what you believe you can do I may be an obstacle rather than a catalyst for your change.
A person’s past is no indication of their future. Dissatisfaction has inspired many people on to greater achievement. Extreme emotional response is sometimes, for some people, the best force of change.
Let them “discover” the answer
People’s beliefs about what is possible for themselves are their only limits. So we may have to be careful that we don’t interject our baggage into someone’s belief system. While something someone else wants to attempt may be viewed as an obstacle by us, they may be very successful at their effort.
A friend must always provide full support. I hired a friend one time when he was a little down on his luck. Of course, he did not perform. When I let him go he said, “I thought you were my friend.” I responded, “A friend would not put me in a position of having to let them go.” Support goes both ways.
Friends don’t provide the answers. Sometimes helping the other person “discover” the answers brings the change they are looking for while “providing” the answer can keep them in a dependent state.
Affecting change does not include criticizing people. I have always found that when I point a finger at someone I have three pointing back at me. Sometimes it is more helpful to ask questions and let the person’s answers be their guide for their change.
All support is completely confidential. When you brag or tell others about the support you gave another you are talking about you and not the other person. Everyone sees that, even if you don’t.
Some people’s needs cannot be met by what you do. Often, what the other person does is more important than what we do. If we truly want to affect change in others then it is about them and not about us.
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
For more from Lloyd Lofton, see: